Jotaro Joestar
by giogio195
Summary: What if Jonathan had Jotaro's personality?
1. YAKAMASHI

In the beginning.

George: JoJo. Where do you think you're going, young man?

Jotaro: Just gonna take Danny out for a walk. Don't get too worried, old geezer.

George: I'M NOT THAT OLD.

Sees Erina getting picked on by bullies.

Jotaro: SHUT THE HELL UP! SCREAMING GIRLS PISS ME OFF!

After beating up the two kids and handing her the doll back.

Jotaro: I only did that to shut you up.

Upon meeting Dio.

Dio: You must be Jonathan Joestar.

Jotaro: Yeah. Don't care about your name.

Dio kicks Danny.

Jotaro: What did you just do?

Dio: I kicked your do- OHK!

Jotaro: I kicked your balls.

Dio beats him in a boxing match with an illegal punch that almost blind him.

Jotaro: You bastard..! ***assaults Dio***

Erina dates him and they became a couple.

Jotaro: Yare yare. I only did that so you'd stop whining about it.

Dio stole her first kiss.

Jotaro: Oi, why don't you kiss my fists next?

Danny dies.

Jotaro: I knew I should have bought that goldfish instead.

Plays rugby.

Jotaro: ***commits a shit ton of foul***

Discovers Dio's plan to poison George.

Jotaro: Yare yare. You greedy scumbag. ***tosses Dio off the balcony***

Kicks Speedwagon in the head and beats the living shit out of everyone in Ogre Street.

Jotaro: Nobody ever said Jonathan Joestar was a nice man.

George dies in his arms.

George: It's not too bad to die in the arms of your own son. ***dies***

Jotaro: You're too heavy, are you dead yet?

Dio wore the mask and got shot by cops, only to survive.

Cops: Guns don't work!

Jotaro: Yeah but my fists will!

**It didn't work***

Impales Dio through the statue.

Dio: ***screams in pain*** AAAAGGGHHHH!!

Jotaro: SHUT THE HELL UP!

After a few days he finally regains conciousness and reunites with Erina.

Erina: Oh dear!

Jotaro: ***opens eyes and sees her*** Yare yare daze.

Speedwagon doesn't see his noble spirit and just follows him around because he is the strongest.

Speedwagon: I will follow you around, Mr. Joestar!

Jotaro: Fine. Just keep your voice down.

Zeppeli awakens his hamon with a punch that healed his broken arm.

Jotaro: ***stares at his now healed up arm and punches the Italian with it in the face*** ORA!

Sees Jack the Ripper.

Jotaro: Yare yare. Stop picking on whores and fight like a man.

Kills Bruford and inherited his sword.

Jotaro: Huh. Can't wait to try this on Dio.

Receives Zeppeli's final ripple.

Tarkus: This wasn't supposed to happen!

Jotaro: Come here, I want to test out how strong I am now.

Zeppeli died.

Jotaro: You're a good man.

Sees Dio again.

Dio: JoJo! I supposed you won against my knights?

Jotaro: Yeah, too easy.

Dire died.

Jotaro: You stupid shit.

Dio 'died'

Dio: Hamon is... Melting me..! GARBHANFLALAAGHH!!!

Jotaro: Finally- STOP SCREAMING IN PAIN, IT'S PISSING ME OFF!

Marries Erina.

Jotaro: Yare yare. I only did that to stop you from complaining about it.

Sees Dio as a head.

Jotaro: I'm going to play soccer with your head. Come here you son of a bitch.

Gets shot and has no choice but to sacrifice himself to save Erina and to stay behind to restrain Dio.

Erina: JoJo! No!

Jotaro: Whatever. Atleast I don't have to hear you scream.

Dio: Let me go, JoJo! Release me! I can heal your wounds.

Jotaro: Shut the hell up, I'm dying here. ***dead***


	2. Jonathan Kujo

Holly runs to visit her kid.

Holly: Jotaro! Jotaro!

Jonathan: MOM! Will you please keep it down I'm trying to read a book.

Jotaro explains himself

Warden: Kujo! You're free to go!

Holly: Hold on, let's see what my son has to say.

Jonathan: I have to enter this cell, I've been trying to pray it away but when thugs tried to mug me, it just went all out. I have to be here to prevent myself from hurting people. It's quite nice however, it brings me stuff from time to time.

Warden: AAHH! HOW DID HE GET THAT BEER INSIDE THAT CELL!?

Jonathan: Do you want one? Please have a seat.

Joseph enters the scene.

Joseph: I'll be taking my grandson home.

Jonathan: Grandpa! Hello! How's it going? How's grandma Suzi? How's great grandma Elizabeth?

Joseph: You see, this kid doesn't belong in a prison cell. Come with me, we're going home.

Jonathan: No can do. I'm afraid not. I don't want to hurt everyone. I must stay here until it goes away.

Avdol comes in.

Jonathan: Sorry, Mr. Foreigner, but I won't leave this cell. Even if you said please.

Avdol: Then I must use force.

Joseph: Go ahead.

Avdol: MAGICIAN'S RED!

Jonathan: Woah! It looks powerful! What can it do?

Avdol: RED BIND!

Jonathan: Red wha- OOF!

Star Platinum appears. Breaks the steel bars and threatened to stab Avdol.

Jonathan: WHY MUST WE FIGHT!? No don't turn your back- evil spirit! SIT!

Star Platinum: *stops*

Avdol: Mr. Joestar, it is done. He is out of his cell.

Jonathan: Oh... That was quite clever.

Joseph explaining the Joestar feud with Dio.

Jonathan: Why must you destroy that camera?

Joseph: THIS IS DIO! But the body from the neck down is from our ancestor! Jonathan Joestar! That sick bastard!

Jonathan: We must do something!

Joseph: Right! We need to track him down and leave immediately.

Jonathan: Oh uhh, this urgent? I-I don't think I can.

Joseph: ... Why?

Jonathan: I've got... Homework.

Jotaro leaves for school.

Holly: Don't forget your kiss goodbye!

Jonathan: Hehe, I think I'm getting too old for this.

He gets swarmed by girls.

Jonathan: Hello! Yes, hey, yeah goodmorning too.

No boobs: UGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLY!

Ugly: NOBOOBSNOBOOBSNOBOOBSNOBOOBS!

Jonathan: WOULD YOU PLEASE be quiet, it's kind of annoying.

Girls: AAAA HE TOTALLY SAID THAT TO ME!

Jotaro falls off the stairs because of Kakyoin's painting shtick. Kakyoin offers him his handkerchief to wipe the blood off.

Kakyoin: Here. Have this.

Jonathan: Why thank you. You're a bit suspicious however.

Possessed nurse stabs a student's eye out.

Jonathan: Oh my lord! Evil spirit! Help that man!

Star: *pries the nurse off allowing the student to run*

Kakyoin revealed himself.

Jonathan: I knew it! I just knew you were suspicious!

Nurse fucking dies because of Jotaro attacking Hierophant.

Jonathan: You fiend..! This battle is between us, and you dare involve this woman... This innocent woman! That's the mark of true evil! Someone who crushes the weak for their own gain! And you get to hide from the law. Therefore... I'LL SERVE JUSTICE MYSELF!

Kakyoin: Evil? The only evil one is the loser.

Jonathan: No- that's totally wrong you kno-

Kakyoin: Emerald Splash!

Jonathan: FINE! I'LL CORRECT YOU WITH MY FISTS!

Jotaro deflects the Emerald Splash

Kakyoin: WHAT! YOU CAN'T JUST DEFLECT THE EMERALD SPLASH!

Jonathan: OVERDRIVE!

Star : ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!

Jotaro stops short of the killing blow, sparing Kakyoin.

Kakyoin: Ugh... Why did you stop?

Jotaro: My real opponent was DIO. You were just a victim of his tyranny.

Fleshbud was allergic to kindness, it then proceeded to kill itself.

Kakyoin: You... I'll be your ally.

Holly becomes sick. Avdol find out about the fly's location, Kakyoin tresspassed to their house.

Joseph: We need to fight DIO! W-

Jonathan: WE MUST GO AT ONCE!

Kakyoin:

Avdol:

Joseph:

Jonathan: ... Yay roadtrip.

Avdol: Jotaro, since I am a fortune teller, allow me to name your stand. Pick a card.

Jonathan: Neat. Let's see... I got a star!

Avdol: I baptist him as Star Platinum!

Star Platinum: ...

Jonathan: Come here, who's a good boy?

_To be continued_

Jonathan: I-I didn't mean to!

DIO: You cheater! You copied my ability! W- D- Ughh!

Jonathan: Well if it frustrates you so much, then I won't move in stopped time.

DIO: ... If you weren't a Joestar, I would have turned you on my side right now.

Jonathan: Are you hitting on me?

The World: MUDA!

Jonathan: OW! YOU HIT ME!


	3. Tease

Girl 1: He was such a cutie, but he was too obnoxious.

Girl 2: I agr- hey is that a butterfly coming out of your bag?

Butterfly cash lands on Giorno.

Joseph: Well, damage my heart, I damage your financial needs. Tourists are probably here to buy crack anyways, too bad Imma use it to buy ice cream!

Giorno orders ice cream.

Joseph: I'll take a chocolate and a cookies and cream please.

Kid: ...

Joseph: ... Make that two because that fucking kid won't stop staring at me.

**_GOLDEN WIND_**, with Joseph Giovanna.

...

Smokey gets brutalized by racist cops.

Giorno: Excuse me, but that would be mine.

Cop: The wallet?

Giorno: No. My friend.

***piano***

Giorno: I, Joseph Joestar, have a dream... That one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of it's creed: We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal (Actual Martin Luther King quote)

_GIO GIO!_

***more piano***

_(Battle) TENDEN- CY!_


End file.
